“Nothing, not all the armies of the world, can stop an idea whose time has come”- Victor Hugo
On this week’s powerful show, Scott Binsack shares with you how he has taken traumatic hardships head on, using intense focus & sheer determination to identify his purpose life and to overcome great adversity.
Do you have purpose in your life?
There has to be motivation and drive when we want to achieve anything in life. Without it, we get caught up in the lifeless, humdrum world that unfortunately too many people experience day after day, month after month and year after year.
We were never meant to live our lives like machines, but for the majority of people that is exactly how they choose to live. They don’t want to think for themselves and would rather have somebody else tell them what to do. We have a brain, but how many really use it?
The power of purpose is indeed a great power and each and every human being has the choice to use it. We should all have a purpose to aim for, it is what brings excitement into our lives, looking forward to a new day, sharing new experiences and helping us to become the best that we can possibly be. A mundane life is no life, hoping and dreaming that something good will happen. It ain’t gonna happen!
You have to make it happen through the resolve of your own desire and the natural power of purpose. Look at how the world has moved even in the last thirty years. An idea has been planted by people that typify their own natural power of purpose, they wanted to make a difference and didn’t stop until they did. Look at the mobile phone, the home computer and the technology that is moving faster each and every day. These are just a few examples of what the power of purpose can achieve.
Now we can’t expect everyone to be a Bill Gates, Michael Dell or a Charles Dunston, but surely it is better to live your life with the natural power of purpose and to achieve feats that are maybe a little less conspicuous or you may want to change the world. It is a waste of life not to be driven on a daily basis with the desire to become more and live your life with the natural power of purpose.
Join Scott Binsack as he challenges you to find purpose in your life. Using his hard hitting tell it like it is style, Scott shows you how to harness your energies into creating a purposeful, meaningful, & successful life.
The Ventura County Saga is a sordid series of events that includes love, lies, conspiracy, corruption and betrayal.
Host “Scott Binsack” shares the shocking details of his 17 month long affair with a married California Realtor “Tammy Calhoun”. What would ensue is a twisted series of lies and manipulation, ending in a dramatic breakup that occurred shortly after her husband was informed of the relationship.
But the lies and deception don’t end there. Scott had met Peter Kalaydjian and Kristina Kalaydjian, owners of a Ventura County escrow firm, Contact Escrow, and offered to build a free website for their upcoming fundraiser, Cocktails in Havana (with the proceeds benefitting Habitat for Humanity.) But once the website was constructed, Peter Kalaydjian demanded the removal of Scott’s company logo from the website’s list of contributors (despite the fact that the company had donated the website — worth several thousand dollars — to the fundraiser event.) Keller Williams Realtor Nancy Amorteguy even went so far as to threaten Scott in an attempt to get him to remove not only his logo but the entire website.
Scott stood his ground and it was around this time that Scott’s firm was hired by a top Ventura County escrow officer, Dawn Morgan, who worked for the Kalaydjians’ company, Contact Escrow. Morgan had sought out the firm’s assistance with the construction of a website and brand identity.
But Peter Kalaydjian was upset by this development and threatened Morgan, indicating that she would be terminated if she continued to associate with Binsack (on her own personal time.) True to his word, Peter Kalaydjian wrongfully terminated Dawn Morgan two days after the Cocktails in Havana fundraiser and even made false claims that resulted in Dawn being denied unemployment benefits (which were ultimately awarded to Dawn Morgan following an appeals hearing._ She is now filing a civil claim for wrongful termination against the Kalaydjians.
Dawn and Scott went public with the story and are now working to expose Contact Escrow’s corruption and their unethical and wrongful treatment of employees and other wrongdoings, which included removing escrow files from Dawn Morgan’s possession just days before closing so those cases could be re-assigned to a family member (who would then receive the commission from the transaction.) Multiple former employees of Contact Escrow have come forward to share similar stories of wrong-doing.
This series of events has evolved into a massive feud, which has included criminal allegations. Peter Kalaydjian and others allegedly assaulted Scott and his security team at the Cocktails in Havana Fundraiser. This fueled tensions and it’s believed that Tammy Calhoun and the Kalaydjians joined forces to sabotage Scott and Dawn.
Most recently, Calhoun, Peter Kalaydjian and other conspirators were caught on surveillance camera at Brendan’s Irish Pub & Restaurant, conspiring in an apparent set-up. The tapes also captured an assault on Binsack and his security — alleged actions which have subsequently led to criminal charges. The tapes were provided exclusively to Binsack and will soon be published in their entirety on VenturaCountySaga.com.
But the sordid series of events doesn’t end there. Just as the events were beginning to unfold, Binsack was warned that Calhoun and perhaps even other conspirators such as the Kalaydjians would leverage connections within the Ventura County Sheriff’s Department. Sure enough, Scott and Dawn were visited by a deputy who made veiled threats, warning Binsack to stay off the internet. And it doesn’t end there.
More recently, Dawn was detained in her vehicle and told by the Ventura County Sheriff’s Deputy (whom had been involved in a previous Ventura County Saga-related dealing) that she had $8,000 in traffic tickets and a warrant for her arrest. Yet she was not arrested; she was ordered to leave her vehicle and walk home. A nationwide NCIC search revealed no traffic tickets and no arrest warrants for Dawn Morgan.
This case is still rapidly evolving and a website has been established to showcase all of the evidence in this case, including emails, videos, Facebook messages, phone texts and more.
This is one story that you absolutely cannot miss! Get all of the details on VenturaCountySaga.com and follow the Saga on Facebook for the latest shocking details. You’re going to be shocked.
“The secret of happiness is freedom. The secret of freedom is courage.”
~Thucydides
Over the ages, mankind rose up above other species, developing a unique sense of self. Today, we strive to achieve a sense of personal freedom; freedom that encompasses the spiritual, social and financial realm. Our purpose is to pursue a higher purpose.
But relatively few people actually achieve a real and true sense of personal freedom. Too often, we’re shackled by self-oppression. These self-imposed restraints are rooted in doubt and fear. We are consumed by the societal norms and the expectations of those around us. And in this position, we find that we’re compelled to put aside our desires, our dreams, our true destiny and our freedoms. It’s all hastily shoved aside in favor of a different life; a life where your personal identity is shaped and dictated by others.
You bury the real, authentic you. You deny this true self in favor of becoming the person that others expect you to be. It’s something that’s engrained within us from a very young age. As children, we’re taught to suppress our authentic selves. We’re told to speak in a certain way, behave in a certain way, think in a certain way and live in a certain way. Slowly but surely, we lose our authenticity. That incredible realness that makes young children so profoundly refreshing and so truly joyful fades away. We give up our personal freedom and we reject the authenticity that we once had in childhood. We become the socially acceptable version of ourselves.
But that’s just the beginning.
You’ll go on to study hard in order to get the degree that society says you need to have in order to have the career that you need to work at in order to get the house and the car and the bank account balance that society says you need to have in order to find happiness. You’ll finally get all those things — the things society says you should have — and you’ll realize that they didn’t bring happiness. You’ll ‘have everything,’ yet none of it will matter because you didn’t do it for you. You did what you were told. You gave up your freedom to live the life that society said you ought to live. Personal freedom wasn’t the only thing you sacrificed. You sacrificed true happiness too.
True happiness requires personal freedom. You must free yourself from the grips of society and society’s expectations. Real, personal freedom is the biggest motivator you’ll ever discover. You’ll be free to be yourself. You’ll be free to pursue your passions. You’ll even discover financial freedom. You’ll live for yourself, not for others.
Finding the courage to be yourself is the challenge. But it’s a mission that can be fulfilled. Once you achieve this, your world will be forever changed. You will achieve true personal freedom; the freedom to be yourself and the freedom to live life to the fullest.
In today’s show, I issue a challenge to my viewers. I challenge you to overcome the doubt, the fear and the hesitation. I challenge you to make this — today — your personal independence day, as you seize and embrace your true, authentic self; the person you really are. I challenge you to re-take your life and own the real you — not the ‘you’ whom others wish you to be.
For when you do this, when you declare your own, personal independence day, you will find that you’re instantaneously released from the bonds that stand in the way of true self-realization and real, complete happiness. You will have reclaimed your personal freedom.
Join “Scott Binsack” in this incredible show. It’s one that’s certain to lift you up, transforming a vague motivation into a pointed sense of purpose as you discover and embrace the real person who dwells within you.
Thank you for watching, liking and subscribing,
“Scott Binsack”
“Scott Binsack” Presents: “The Rain Maker Mentorship Program”
Narcissus was a figure in Greek mythology; a hunter who was renowned for his incredible beauty. A mountain nymph named Echo feel in love with Narcissus, but he was preoccupied with himself and his unmatched beauty.
Emotionally unavailable, Narcissus broke Echo’s heart and as often happens with juicy rumors, word of Echo’s heartbreak spread across the land. Ultimately, Nemesis — the god of revenge — heard of how Narcissus led Echo to heartbreak and she set out to punish him. She lured Narcissus to a pond, where he became engrossed with his own reflection. Narcissus fell deeply in love with the image and he was destroyed when he realized that it was merely a reflection. The story ultimately ends with Narcissus’ suicide.
It’s a rather dark tale, but it aptly illustrates many of the workings of the personality disorder known as narcissism.
Let’s be clear: it’s impossible to be in a healthy relationship with a narcissist. The self-centered nature of a narcissists precludes them from engaging in the give and take that’s required for a healthy, mutually-satisfying relationship. But this doesn’t stop others from falling in love with a narcissist. It’s a pit that I fell into myself.
What is a Narcissist?
To say that a narcissist holds a powerful self-love is put it quite mildly. A narcissist is the epitome of self-aggrandizing; this all-consuming superiority complex impacts every aspect of the narcissist’s life. In fact, narcissism is so consuming that it’s considered a personality disorder. While a majority of narcissists are men, it’s not a condition that’s exclusive to men. That’s because 25% of narcissists are women.
Narcissists may be cerebral and/or somatic. The cerebral narcissist believes that he or she has superior intellect, while the somatic narcissist is consumed by his or her physical beauty. A number of narcissists are taken with both their physical beauty and their superior intellect, making them a cerebral-somatic hybrid.
There are two sub-types of narcissist too: the vulnerable and the invulnerable narcissist.
A vulnerable narcissist is actually rather sensitive and they may experience depression or anxiety if others fail to treat them as superior beings. The vulnerable narcissist often appears as someone who’s vastly under-appreciated; their glory is simply unrecognized by the world at large. This narcissist is often a show-off in an attempt to display his or her superiority.
An invulnerable narcissist is essentially immune to any suggestion that he/she is anything less than superb and superior. This narcissist is unapologetic in her self-confidence and self-importance. If anyone dares to challenge the narcissist, they are met with vicious rage.
Some narcissists are overt, obvious narcissists who embody the most common narcissist stereotype. Others are inverted narcissists, who are parasitic in nature. They feed off another’s accomplishments and superiority and adopt this grandness for themselves. An example of this would be the stereotypical wife of a professional athlete or successful businessman. The wife exhibits all of the traits of narcissism, but she doesn’t want the control. She believes she’s entitled to enjoy all the fruits of her husband’s labor — the respect, the status, the money — despite the fact that she’s done absolutely nothing to earn or deserve these things.
The Narcissist in a Relationship
This is a bit of a misnomer, as a narcissist never really enters a true relationship. The term ‘relationship’ implies a give and take. There is no give and take with the narcissist. There’s that which the narcissist has; there’s that which he or she wants. The narcissist’s world revolves around fulfilling his desires — whatever they may be — because he deserves it. The narcissist adamantly believes he or she is worthy and deserving of all things wonderful and superior.
In a relationship, a narcissist cares about his or her own needs; there’s no consideration for the other person. Any facade of caring can usually be traced back to the narcissist’s self interests. For instance, a narcissist may do something kind for their partner, but that kindness isn’t rooted in love or a desire to please their partner; it’s rooted in a desire to manipulate the partner into doing something that benefits the narcissist. Manipulation is key for the narcissist, who puppets others in an attempt to fulfill his or her own interests.
If a narcissist doesn’t receive the love, adoration and respect that he or she feels is deserved, then they tend to get quite nasty. Increasing dominance is commonplace, as the narcissist over-compensates in an attempt to reinforce their importance and all-around fabulousness.
Does any of this sound familiar?
If so, then you probably know that attempting to maintain a relationship with a narcissist is a challenging task that often ends in heartbreak, just like the story of Narcissus and Echo. And some cases are equally deadly.
But if you survive your encounter with the narcissist, you’ll ultimately have a realization. You’ll realize that you were in love with a narcissist. And it’s a realization that can bring about a great deal of insight — insight that we’ll discuss in this week’s episode of Sunday Night With ” Scott Binsack”
So tune in with “Scott Binsack” as we explore narcissism, what it means to attempt a ‘relationship’ with a narcissist and how an encounter with this personality disorder can impact your life in a very profound manner. It’s an important show that simply cannot be missed!
Thank you for watching, liking and subscribing,
“Scott Binsack”
When tempers flare or pain and hurts transform into anger, we have a tendency of saying hurtful things; things that we don’t really mean. This is especially true when you have two passionate individuals involved. And the closer your relationship, it seems the nastier and more cutting those words tend to be.
When those hurtful words come tumbling out, there’s no retraction. Just as a bell can’t be un-rung, words can’t be un-said and we’re left to deal with the damage and consequences of words spoken in the heat of the moment.
For those on the receiving end of your words, those emotions can remain raw until you say those two words: “I’m sorry.” But those words only have mending power if they’re backed with genuine emotion. A casual “I’m sorry” is meaningless.
In some cases, a full apology is warranted. So what makes a good apology? It should have three parts:
• I’m sorry;
• It’s my fault (or an acknowledgement of wrong-doing); and
• What can I do to make it right?
Those are the components of a good, effective apology. But again, those words must be backed by genuine emotion. And unfortunately, most people forget the third part — the part when you take action to remedy the situation and the hurts that you’ve caused.
An apology is so much more than just words! An apology says so much more than just “I’m sorry.” It’s an acknowledgement of the fact that you’re not always right. An apology also shows that you truly care about the other person’s welfare and emotional well-being — a point that is essential for any healthy relationship. Apologies also serve to diffuse the situation, while acknowledging and validating the other individual’s feelings and opinions, even if you don’t agree with their perspective.
Equally important is knowing when not to say “I’m sorry.” Not every conflict requires an apology and over-using apologies can diminish their impact. You shouldn’t apologize for having your own emotional needs, for instance. But if you’re aware that the other person is wounded, but aren’t sincerely sorry, then use the opportunity to start a dialogue so you can arrive at a better understanding of each other. This involves actually listening to the other person’s perspective — something we often forget to do in the heat of the moment.
There’s also the timeframe of the apology. Waiting days or weeks will diminish the power of your apology. Don’t allow hurts to linger. And make no mistake: without a good apology, those hurts can and will linger for weeks, months, years — even an entire lifetime. Those words that tumbled out as part of spite and malice-filled tangent can cut
through your defenses, becoming embedded deep within your very spirit. And there they will remain until a sincere, genuine apology is offered up and the individual takes action to right the wrongs that led to those hurts.
In today’s episode of Sunday Night With Scott Binsack, we’ll explore apologies and the impact of those two words: “I’m sorry.”
Join “Scott Binsack” as he goes in depth to explore the life experiences and actions that have led him to say “I’m sorry.” We’ll also discuss what we can do to control our anger, so as to avoid saying words that we’ll come to regret. It’s a humbling show and one that simply can’t be missed!
“If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. If they don’t, they never were.”
~Khalil Gibran
[But is that really true?]
It’s the first show of 2015 and we’re going to tackle a tough topic: true love and the story of The Man in the Moon.
Last February, right around Valentine’s Day, we explored a story involving my mother and the man who would ultimately come to be known as The Man in the Moon.
It’s a profoundly moving and emotional story; one that has impacted me since childhood.
I used to believe in the saying, “If you love someone, you should set them free and if they truly love you, they’ll return.”
I no longer believe this.
I believe that if someone truly loves you, there will be no reason to set them free; they shouldn’t come crawling back after their first choice didn’t work out.
People tend to toss around the term ‘love’ as though it’s a casual term. But it’s anything but. Love is truly transformative and it’s a force that can change your life in the most powerful ways.
I consider myself a hopeless romantic; I believe in true love. I’ve learned that many abuse victims like myself find themselves on a lifelong quest to find true love. They’re often amongst the individuals with the biggest hearts and the deepest desire to love and be loved — even if that desire isn’t outwardly apparent through the hard, protective shell that many abuse victims develop.
When I first shared this story of the Man in the Moon, I didn’t share all of the specifics.
I’ve since realized that it’s a story that must be told — in its entirety.
Over the past year, it’s a story that’s taken on new meaning as I myself became a Man in the Moon.
Recent events have transformed my view of life and love. I’ve come to realize that I was wrong; that love and intimacy aren’t the only part of the equation.
There’s more.
The Story of the Man in the Moon
My mother was a woman who suffered many traumas in her life. She was from a lower-middle class family that was plagued by dysfunction; a dysfunction that came to a head when she witnessed her father hang her mother from a 13th floor window amidst a drunken rage. My father was from the other side of the tracks. He came from a prominent and wealthy family. My parents met at a driver’s ed class. My mother said she loved my father, but she wasn’t madly in love with him. She got married because that’s what was expected; getting married young was the norm. My mother’s true love was a man named Charlie — a man whom I’d come to know as The Man in the Moon. Charlie ultimately married another woman, just as my mother had married another man. But their respective marriages were no obstacle and they would meet in secret. Sometimes, I’d wait in the car, parked on the side of the road. I was just three or four years old when I first witnessed my mother in a rare state of pure happiness as she shared intimate moments with this man. Charlie’s moniker — The Man in the Moon — was practical yet accurate. He was a man who was ever-present in her life and in her heart, yet in many ways, he was inaccessible. It was a practical term too, since my mother frequently brought me along when she met up with The Man in the Moon. So when my father asked, “What did you do today?”, my honest reply would be a seemingly fanciful: “We saw the Man in the Moon.” After 14 years of marriage, my parents got divorced. But Charlie never left his wife — a woman who happened to be one of my mother’s best friends. In time, Charlie and I became friends. Years passed. One day, my mother and I met Charlie for lunch. At one point in the meal, my mother left the table, heading for the restroom. I’ve always been very direct and I asked, “You love my mother. Why won’t you leave your wife?” Charlie replied, “I have children, obligations…..But someday, we’ll make it work. Someday.” I knew that he truly loved my mother. And over the years, my mother continued to receive flowers, cards and other tokens of his affections. They continued to see each other, but Charlie never did leave his wife. In this way, he truly lived up to his moniker, The Man in the Moon, remaining ever-present yet inaccessible. So my mother set out on a mission to find another man. She sought to replicate the intense bond that she shared with Charlie. But true love was elusive. She re-married and divorced twice. In the end, my mother was miserable, forever haunted by the forbidden love she shared with The Man in the Moon. Years later, my father said, “I love your mom, but your mom was always in love with Charlie — The Man in the Moon. He should have married her.”
The story of The Man in the Moon has led me to realize that love exists separately from intimacy. And if you don’t have intimacy — an incredible bond with another human being — then you don’t have anything.
These are just some of the topics we’ll be exploring on the latest episode of Sunday Night With “Scott Binsack”. It’s a must-see episode; one that will force you to confront and reconsider your views of love, intimacy and true love.
Thank you for watching, liking and subscribing,
“Scott Binsack”
The lights are up, the decorations are on display and holiday consumerism is at its best. That’s right. It’s nearly …that time again: time for more New Year’s resolutions, which — if you’re like 92% of folks — will be broken in fairly short order.
The statistics are bleak. A mere 8% of people actually stick to their New Year’s resolutions, with many abandoning those resolutions inside of a week!
We’re surrounded by “New Year, New You” rhetoric. Yet the fact remains: little, if anything, will change when the clock strikes midnight on December 31, 2014. It’s just plain unrealistic to believe that a well-established habit or tendency that you’ve spent all year engraining will be miraculously eliminated or overcome once the calendar reads “2015.”
In fact, many go into the new year with a resolution that lacks a definitive plan of attack, with measurable, “SMART” goals (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound.)
It’s a set up for failure and it’s the type of failure that can harm your self-esteem and self-worth, leaving you languish amidst that which you sought to stamp out. So instead of losing weight, you find yourself cuddled up on the couch, downing an entire pint of ice cream (the good stuff, not the crappy fat free variety), followed by a vodka chaser to drown your miseries.
Quite simply, New Year’s resolutions are a load of crap.
New Year’s resolutions are an archaic tradition, dating back to the time of ancient Babylon when the people would make promises to the gods for the upcoming year.
But these resolutions were very different in nature. They weren’t seeking to stamp out deeply engrained behaviors and bad habits overnight, nor were they striving to achieve a complete psychological overhaul. The Babylonians’ resolutions were much easier to achieve, perhaps vowing to return a loaf of bread to the neighbor to make up for the loaf that they had previously borrowed.
So with this in mind, perhaps it would be more appropriate to make a New Year’s resolution to return your neighbor’s weed whacker.
What’s more, the Babylonians believed that they would be struck down by their gods if they failed to follow through, making the consequences very compelling.
Without the threat of divine bombardment, many lack the motivation and incentive required to effect real, lasting change.
The bottom line is this: New Year’s resolutions are all about hype. If you really want to change or improve, don’t wait for the new year to arrive before taking action. Start your transformation today! And if you make a mistake, you’ll know you’re human. Get up off the ground, dust off those knees and keep going.
Procrastination and postponement could be construed as evidence that you’re not ready to change; perhaps you don’t really want it. Perhaps you’re meant to travel down a different path.
There’s no guarantee of a tomorrow, so live as though today was your last day. Become the person you want to be beginning this very moment. Start the transformation process now. Set yourself up to succeed with a goal that’s achievable, measurable and realistic.
Once you achieve that goal, establish a new objective and continue growing and improving. Life is a journey, not a destination. So hold on tight and enjoy the ride.
These are just some of the topics we’ll be exploring on the latest episode of Sunday Night With “Scott Binsack”. It’s a must-see episode; one that will set you up to succeed beginning right now.
Thank you for watching, liking and subscribing,
“Scott Binsack”
“A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.” – Oscar Wilde
In this week’s show, “Scott Binsack” takes a hard look at how we perceive honesty within ourselves, with our loves, and with our lives. Scott shares his soul in each of these areas in his own life and shows you how to decide if you are using dishonesty with yourself as a means to avoid or escape important issues in yourself or your life.
There are circumstances when we need to escape from our problems. A break from the pressures and troubles of our lives can refresh us and give us clarity. The problem arises when we do things to the point where we never face the truth about ourselves. To make things worse, we may select means of avoidance that are physically and/or psychologically damaging. In addition to activities being used to avoid facing the truth, they can also be extremely self-centered, self-gratifying, and spoiled child-like behavior. Maturity is the key here.
A child expects things to come easily. A mature person knows that to get what you want you must face the truth and then act in accordance with it. Until you face the issues you’re avoiding, your life will not get any better. And it will never become what you want it to be. Rather than acting passively through avoidance and escapism, take control of your destiny. This will require that you accept responsibility for everything that is in your life today, take an honest look at yourself, and then take the necessary actions to create the life you want.
Join “Scott Binsack” as he explores the ways we avoid facing the truth about ourselves. Facing the truth about yourself and your life is the first step in self improvement. Until you are able to take an honest look at yourself and your history, your self improvement efforts will miss the targets you need to hit to be truly successful.
Thank you for watching, liking and subscribing,
“Scott Binsack”
Words are powerful weapons as well as attributes to success,. Use them wisely. For, once said they can never be taken back!! – “Scott Binsack”
The old saying .. “We take things out on the ones we love” does not make it right and causes a serious communication breakdown in any relationship or workplace!! Identifying this bad behavior and fixing it is the only way for us to have true communication and thus, solid relationships with others.
Join “Scott Binsack” in this life changing show. As he discusses how his behavior at times in communicating with those he loved was his way of lashing out to prior unsettled issues of past pain and anger. Hurting those involved with harsh and undeserved words and how now he has come to recognize this and how to change it!!
SPEAKING::
One of the most obvious and significant attributes of humans is the ability to communicate through speech. An interesting corollary is that we can also communicate our thoughts in real time; we do not need to plan what we’re going to say before we say it. This has both advantages and disadvantages. It would clearly be undesirable for us to have to formulate our thoughts before issuing an immediate warning “run!”. And communication would be dramatically slowed if we were unable to respond, fluidly, to people in normal conversation.
On the other hand, this innate ability is often the source of consternation when what we say on the spur of the moment is something we later wish we had either not said, or had said differently; it,sometimes, happens to each of us. The trick is to remember when. Typically, this happens when we are responding in stressful situations, or during confrontation, although it can happen at any time. Recognizing that we do not always say what we would like to communicate is an important realization. Mitigating this issue is not complex, but it does require some behavioral changes. The goal is to be aware of when to talk naturally and fluidly and when to think before we speak and when not to speak at all.
COMMUNICATION:
Finding a way to dial down your sensitivity chip while you are in a relationship is easier said than done. If you tend to be more of an emotional person, falling hard when in love, finding techniques or ways to erode sensitivity can be tough. However, if you have gotten hurt too many times in the past because you’ve jumped in with both feet, use your current relationship to help you pull back the emotion, while at the same time still having fun and engaging in a bonded situation.
Identify your emotional triggers:
Find your hot buttons and learn how to wrangle those under control. Not only will subduing emotion be good for your relationship, it will be better for your mental health in the long run.Identify your emotional triggers. Find your hot buttons and learn how to wrangle those under control. Not only will subduing emotion be good for your relationship, it will be better for your mental health in the long run.
Separation anxiety:
Do you get upset when he/she wants to be friends or has to do something at night that is work related? Even if you don’t say anything to him/her, do you get upset so that it is disruptive to your life?
Jealousy:
Do you have a hard time seeing him/her converse with people of the opposite sex? Or is your honey an eternal flirt? What happens when you see your mate flirting or in a situation where others are doing the flirting with him/her? If there is truly no reason to suspect your mate of cheating, consider how your overt jealousy affects the relationship. Does it bring you closer together or does it drive a wedge between you?
Clinginess:
Even though you love him/her so much, showing it by hanging all over him/her or demanding you two be tied at the hip may not be best for your relationship. Tap into your sense of independence and remember that you are two entities that came together for love.
External factors such as family or work:
Do you get emotional with your significant other in certain situations such as being around your family or at work functions? Your emotional side may be more tied to situations rather than how you feel in general.
Determine how your emotions impact your relationship.
Some people love having a very emotional mate, however consider how your overt emotion is affecting your self of being and sense of worth.
Can you separate from this person and function independently? Do emotions prevent you from being an independent person and can you approach life both as a couple and on your own? If your emotions have taken over and seem to be preventing you from approaching life on your own, you will need to determine why you need the other person to be happy or experience an encounter alone.
Does your mate seem to be pulling away from you? Historically have your emotions been a caveat to why you’ve broken up? Has your mate become withdrawn or unhappy because your emotions seem to overwhelm the relationship? If you want the relationship to work, consider how your emotional expressions could be sabotaging it and why.
Become more communicative instead of emotional. When a baby cries he/she could be experiencing a variety of emotions or physical feelings because infants have no other communication skills. Luckily, as an adult you don’t have to resort to childish outbursts and can use words instead. Instead of resorting to old behavioral or non verbal mannerisms or emotional outbursts, consider taking a more methodical, communicative approach to explaining how you feel. You can still let the other person know what you are feeling or experiencing, but use your intellect so you can truly convey your emotion.
Identify which emotion you are feeling and write down when and why you feel that way. For example, if you are overwhelmed with jealousy instead of lurking behind bushes or fake plants at the next cocktail party you both attend, write down that you are jealous and when you are jealous. Is it when you are in social situations and other people hit on your mate or when he/she flirts with others? Also, name specific encounters so you can articulate and refer to when and where you felt this emotion. Choose an opportune time after you are not so overwhelmed with emotion to discuss how you feel.
Avoid acting on your emotions as you are experiencing them. Even if you are overwhelmed with love, instead of bear hugging and/or jumping into your betrothed arms, wait for a moment when you can regain your composure and calmly communicate how you felt. Tell him/her why you have come to love him/her and when this feeling washed over you.
Take ownership of your emotions!!
Often people try to tell the other person that he/she “made” them feel a certain way. No one can manage your emotions but you. Own your feelings but say why. For example, if you are experiencing separation anxiety say, “I feel so alone when you are out of town every week. I enjoy being with you and feel sad and alone when you are away.” However, avoid getting angry at the other person or blaming him/her for how you feel. Own it and resign yourself to doing something about it.
Thank you for watching, liking and subscibing,
“Scott Binsack”
If someone thinks about or looks at something with rose-colored glasses, they think it… is more pleasant than it really is – “Scott Binsack”
It is much easier to see life through rose colored glasses then it is to face the real truth of any bad situation. The list is endless of what we can see wearing rose colored glasses e.g. relationships, marriage, career, self image etc. I am going to focus on all of these areas but more particularly, on staying in a bad relationship or marriage. Something I know well first hand!!
Reality: The world or the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them.
I think we would all agree that it is much easier to see life or ourselves as we “want to see” it then what it “actually is” at times. Seeing it as it “really is” can be be very painful to ones existence. Painful or not, it should be the only way we see things. For, to see things via rose colored glasses is simply lying to ones self about the truth of any situation and/or themselves. Thus, what really was our life? A big farce!! A lie to ourselves!!
By accepting and facing reality we are able to change and therefore grow!! No one likes change. Change is painful, especially when it involves our own issues that we must change!!
Excuse: A reason or explanation put forward to defend or justify a fault or offense.
Through our lifestyle and just human instinct, we’ve become a culture of excuses. Excuses make life easier, especially when we know we will feed into to them and thus, we decide we would rather make an excuse instead of make a change. When we do something wrong we usually know it’s wrong and are already making up an excuse in our mind. We want to believe that everything is perfect and just right in our situations. As long as we don’t look bad or feel bad all is seemingly good. When in fact it is not! The problem is, when we make excuses for our situations, we .. “give up control” of those same situations. It is easy to “blame everyone else” and have that piece of mind that we are doing everything right. ( When we are not!! ) We just have to keep telling ourselves that until we believe it.
Now comes into to play the bad relationship or marriage and the refusal of one partner or both to see this and thus, the false reality we create to stay. Henceforth, the excuses we use to tell ourselves and others for staying in a dysfunctional situation. Such as:
Excuse #1: I’d rather settle for him or her than be alone.
If you are settling for an unhealthy relationship just to have a warm body near, you are missing the amazing indescribable intimacy that you deserve.
Excuse #2: I’m comfortable.
Is change something that makes you cringe? Are you stringing a relationship along primarily because it has benefits: money, companionship, image, physical intimacy, fun, familiar routine? Let’s face it, we have all temporarily turned to everything from shopping to food for fulfillment. Things–even relationships with benefits–can never truly satisfy.
Excuse #3: I love him or her.
“But I looooove him / her!” If I had a nickel for every time I heard those words! Geez! I love my dog! I love my brother! I love my pet hamster! There is a difference in loving and being “in love” and fully committed to the person you KNOW you were meant to be with. Never settle for less!!
Excuse #4: We have a children together.
Admit it. As children, most of us aspired to have better lives than those who raised us. Here’s the kicker: our starting point regarding relationships was the exact representation of what ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ modeled for each of us. My point: it is better to be alone or with the person you truly love then living a lie each day in front of your children. According to statistics, your children will do the same. You think you protecting them when in fact your not, your simply protecting yourself!! The choices YOU make affect future generations. Ponder that!
Excuse #5: I don’t want to hurt his/ her feelings.
Has your heart left the picture, but your still hanging around because you’d like him/ her to stay happy? Maybe you feel bad leaving him / her because they have invested so as spent so much time and money on you. You’re not stock or a possession; this isn’t an investment game. Have you tried to walk away, but they persuaded you to stay? You’re not a puppet; pull your hearts strings from their grip. Your people-pleasing nature, coupled with his / her controlling tendencies, are brewing up your worst nightmare. It’s time to be concerned more with yourself then them!!
Excuse #6: He / she is “good” enough for me.
Maybe you’re thinking, “I don’t deserve any better,” or perhaps you assume you’d never land among the stars so you’ve resolved to never shoot for the moon, or your insecurities and fears are holding you back.
Excuse #7: He or she will change for the better!
Come on, who are you kidding!? You can’t change him / her , and they comfortable the way they are. Statistically and in my experiences people don’t change. Not unless they truly want to!! Which takes being awakened by a fall to the bottom or some shocking act in their lives. Even then most don’t change. We are the ones that must change and see our own issues for what they truly are.
These are just some of the main excuses we make to stay trapped in a relationship or marriage we refuse to see for what it truly is. The list of excuses is endless.
So putting on the rose colored glasses everyday is the easiest way to just not face the truth. The easy way out!! When in reality it is living a lie to ourselves and those involved daily. Then before you know it real life and love has passed you by. You grow old and wake up one day wondering what the hell have i done with my life!
Join me “Scott Binsack” as I share two serious relationships in my life where in one I wore the rose colored glasses. Both serious events that changed me forever!! A show not to be missed!!
Sunday Night With "Scott Binsack" 
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